Friday, 25 February 2011

That wonderful word, normal.

What a wonderfully diverse disease MS is. Just when you think you have a handle on what is going on with your particular brand, it throws you another surprise into the mix.

That is why I am so grateful for, and in some ways scared  by, what my CCSVI treatment has done for me.

What brought this to a head was a combination of entering my plus five months data on CCSVI Tracking   and emails from the clinic in Poland asking about my six month follow up with the doctors there. I sometimes wonder where the time has gone, and then realise it has gone in both living a normal life (wonderful word that, normal) and in waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I am back at work, although not full time. I drive myself about. I can walk to the local shop and back without needing to sleep for 6 hours to recover. I am exercising at a gym, under the watchful eye of my wonderful personal trainer. I feel like I have my life back.

But I still have those dratted holes in my brain, and some intentional tremor in my left hand and leg. Enough to remind me that the MonSter may not have released its grip on me entirely. And I still do the MS person's check on waking - which bits are/are not working today.

To be given a gift , like I have, is to live with the fear that tomorrow may be the day it is all taken away again. It is not placebo, the effects have lasted too long for that. But it may just be the longest and best remission of my life. Amazing how many other people experience remission, starting on that particular operating table.

So tomorrow morning, I will wake up and face the day. All the more thankful for what I have, because I know what it is to lose it.

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